CHRYSALIS

heart open like butterfly wings/protect myself like venus flytrap/that’s how i feel right now/was tryin to squeeze my wind into your whistle/fighting to force my laughter into your grasp/tip toeing around your luggage as i wondered why every single date we had ended up at baggage claim rummaging thru your childhood trauma & adulthood drama/i don't even want you to change, i just want A change/CHRYSALIS/more than a divorce/a course of my own choosing/my own colors & flavors/my own rhythms & reasons/my verses & fists/my love is tender as a lusciously swollen clit/strong as our mama's arms/i ain't asking for shit/i'm takin mine/makin bliss/without compromise or apology/son you can't handle my sun/& that's cool/cuz THIS SHINE WASN'T MEANT FOR YOU/i feel my most free when i let go/so i walk away—not to give up on you/but to give in to me

3 kisses

broken hearts off beat
and dancing without movement
kiss without breath
speech without syllable
comparison without simile or metaphor
this is what happens when 2 people with fractured parts
try

there is a hesitant beginning
a quarter of my heart is in this
and the rest is reticent, waiting
for the fractured to become shattered
you don’t know me like this
you don’t know how my breath tastes
how my hips moves
how my fingers dive
how my…
you just don’t know me like this

attraction does not equal love
this bed does not equal freedom

I hold back like a star athlete on the bench
not trying to prove shit
just choosing not to bat this season
you called me dangerous
I think because of the way I kiss/
I smiled
if only you knew, this is me holding it all back
imagine if I actually put it on you
like for real

what I’ve seen and been through has tired me
loving women who hate themselves has done something to me
not forgiving myself for loving her even as it almost killed me has done something to me
being punished for my sensitivity has hurt my tender heart & made me want to venus flytrap the world away
I can’t pretend that it’s just you and me in this bed
I see my former beloved and that one you used to get down with
sitting at the foot of the bed watching us
I feel them between us
making this an unexpected, unintentional orgy
your ex wife’s name is painted on your face, tongue and heart
your eyes scream her name
my pussy misses the one that used to
and this is not supposed to
turn into
something about something other than you and me
but see how easy it is
to talk about everyone except us?
it’s because there is so much more
than just us
and that is the reason for this poem
this poem is how I can talk to you
this poem is how I can let myself cry without asking you to hold me
this poem holds me tonight
hard and soft
like a good butch should

I haven’t called
you haven’t called
this will pass and we will return to the safety of our laughter
I will act like we ain’t never laid up in that bed
I will ask you about who you seeing
how you’re healing from your ex
we will be friends again
no benefits
just
friends

right?

a love poem for each of your bruises

{photo credit: NerdScarf Photography}

On May 16, 2009 two lesbians of color were brutally beaten by police officers in front of a club in the Crown Heights section of Brooklyn, NY. The Safe OUTside the System Collective of The Audre Lorde Project and Gays & Lesbians of Bushwick Empowered of Make the Road New York organized a protest against the 77th Precinct in Brooklyn for the women who were attacked that took place on Saturday June 6, 2009 @ 3PM

I wrote this poem that Saturday morning & performed it at the rally.

{for Tiffany & JG & all survivors of violence}

a love poem for each of your bruises
a love poem for all of our rage and confusion
every knee to your back, for every contusion
a love poem for every butch, every trannie, every b.o.i, every lesbian, every femme, every person not into labels
a love poem for the days when the activist work seems neverending
the police sirens are loud & they are chasing our babies and our angels
and enough
already
I just want to write about lovemaking, mangoes & my homeland
I want to live my life unhampered by the oppression of a police state that denies my heartbeat
as human and beautiful
sometimes
I don’t give a fuck about whether you support gay marriage
I’m not married; I care about having good health care
I don’t give a fuck about whether you voted for Obama
I don’t give a fuck about whether you like how I choose to dress
I did not come into this store for fashion tips son
I just want my cinnamon raisin bagel toasted light brown with butter, thank you

I want to hold my woman’s hand in the street at midnight
at 2pm, at 10am
I want to be able to go party with other women who eat pussy
then go to the after party with those same women
grab some food
walk home if I choose
feel safe
I want to feel safe
I want to feel safe
I want to be safe
I do not want to wait for June to celebrate my pride in the street

I’m not interested in whether you can quote Audre Lorde or Assata Shakur
I’m not interested in how many degrees you have
what I care about is that you see injustice and you ain’t having it
I’m interested in whether you will fight beside me for this love beating in our chests
I’m fighting for a life worth living for
I’m fighting for the dykes coming up after me
I want us to live our lives so we are the legends our descendants will need to find in their herstory books
breathing these words so we can make a world we’re proud to pass on
I know you may not remember that one phrase I said that shook your soul—don’t worry about that shit
remember how you feel right now in this moment
and don’t you ever/don’t you ever/don’t you ever
settle for less
than every fuckin peace of justice we came for