3 kisses

broken hearts off beat
and dancing without movement
kiss without breath
speech without syllable
comparison without simile or metaphor
this is what happens when 2 people with fractured parts
try

there is a hesitant beginning
a quarter of my heart is in this
and the rest is reticent, waiting
for the fractured to become shattered
you don’t know me like this
you don’t know how my breath tastes
how my hips moves
how my fingers dive
how my…
you just don’t know me like this

attraction does not equal love
this bed does not equal freedom

I hold back like a star athlete on the bench
not trying to prove shit
just choosing not to bat this season
you called me dangerous
I think because of the way I kiss/
I smiled
if only you knew, this is me holding it all back
imagine if I actually put it on you
like for real

what I’ve seen and been through has tired me
loving women who hate themselves has done something to me
not forgiving myself for loving her even as it almost killed me has done something to me
being punished for my sensitivity has hurt my tender heart & made me want to venus flytrap the world away
I can’t pretend that it’s just you and me in this bed
I see my former beloved and that one you used to get down with
sitting at the foot of the bed watching us
I feel them between us
making this an unexpected, unintentional orgy
your ex wife’s name is painted on your face, tongue and heart
your eyes scream her name
my pussy misses the one that used to
and this is not supposed to
turn into
something about something other than you and me
but see how easy it is
to talk about everyone except us?
it’s because there is so much more
than just us
and that is the reason for this poem
this poem is how I can talk to you
this poem is how I can let myself cry without asking you to hold me
this poem holds me tonight
hard and soft
like a good butch should

I haven’t called
you haven’t called
this will pass and we will return to the safety of our laughter
I will act like we ain’t never laid up in that bed
I will ask you about who you seeing
how you’re healing from your ex
we will be friends again
no benefits
just
friends

right?