Thursday, December 4, 2008
cuz i feel like it
i feel like fuckin writing tonite so i'ma write. i ain't never been the needy type. okay so i lied--i have always been the needy type, but somehow i manage to be independent too like: "i love you baby don't leave me" & "fuck you, i don't need you" living in the same body.
this has most definitely made for some interesting dinner conversation.
i don't exactly know where i am now or what i want. and then again: i know exactly what i want. i always seem to think that i can figure my life out, like i truly have control of shit. i always want answers and promises--i wanna know the outcome now so i can prepare and then i somehow wonder why i'm having trouble living in the fuckin moment. even when shit is good, i just wait on some fucked up shit to pop off. you know cuz i'm used to drama but happiness--what the fuck am i supposed to do with that?
there was a time i thought i'd have babies and a husband, a husband with a penis he was born with, not one we copped at toys in babeland or pleasure chest or wherever. now, clearly, i've moved on, or rather, blissfully ascended into my dyke destiny and know that that breeder shit ain't for me. (time changes so much.)
is this rambling? perchance, perhaps, maybe, most likely...okay yes it is. i guess i just wanted to say that...i don't know anything about how my life is gonna go. all i can do is do what makes me happy and pray for sunshine. i feel like a fuckin fortune cookie but...once in awhile those fortune cookies bring the wisdom unexpectedly.
anyway, should i even post this? alright, here you go.
[photo: me. summer 2008. prospect park. devouring a wendy's chocolate frosty. cuz i felt like it. that shit was GOOD AS HEAVEN.]