Tuesday, December 9, 2008

letter to my ego

"If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time. It's very important to be aware of them every time they come up." --Deepak Chopra

e·go (ē'gō, ěg'ō) [ee-goh, eg-oh] noun

1. the self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves.
2. an exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit.
3. egotism; conceit; self-importance: (i.e.: Her ego becomes more unbearable each day.)
4. appropriate pride in oneself; self-esteem or self-image; feelings: (i.e.: Your criticism wounded his ego.)
5. scholasticism. the complete person comprising both body and soul.
6. an inflated feeling of pride in your superiority to others
7. your consciousness of your own identity [syn: self]
8. (psychoanalysis) the conscious mind
9. ego is Latin for "I"

[source: abridged from www.dictionary.com]

dear ego,

diva. queen. the one bowed to, the mu-fucka who always gets recognized. i recognize. hi. i've noticed you all up in my business lately. sitting there between my lover and i in bed, in my pocket, on my shoulder, swelling up my heart, eating up my selflessness. don't get me wrong--you have definitely held me down something serious over the years. without you, i wouldn't have left abusive situations, demanded what i was worth, had the audacity to go on tour across this country with a little bit of money, faith and you, my fuckin ego, that was so sure we could do it. and we fuckin did.

these days tho, i've let you take over. sometimes when you need to fall back, i've let you rise up. i have done this because ego, you are so easy while vulnerability sometimes is just too much for me--all that feeling and emotional availability--yikes! sometimes i'd just rather hide behind you, lie and let the world think you are me. you're not my whole, just a part. a part apart from my heart/heart that sometimes goes on hiatus and lets you take all my calls, stand in for me at important meetings, events and functions. only i didn't tell you to let those you encounter know that my heart will be back soon, she just needed a break from the world. so people be thinking my ego is me. not so. so ego, i say to you: FALL THE FUCK BACK! do not block my bliss with your braggadocio and dramatic exits and that tone you be taking when you're pissed. and know your place. i will not run to you to stand in for me when honesty, compassion and vulnerability are called for and if i do, you best tell me to turn my ass around and go deal with it, whatever it is, without you. do that shit for me. i say this hard & with an attitude cuz i know you can take it--after all you got a hell of an ego ;) and after everything i say, you just gonna brush your shoulders off and keep it moving.

and of course, you know when i need you, i'ma call on you. and i expect you'll hold me down proper, right?...thanks baby.;)

with love:
my heart, my vulnerability, my selflessness

"Give up all bad qualities in you, banish the ego and develop the spirit of surrender. You will then experience Bliss."--Sri Sathya Sai Baba

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wow! I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! Beautifully written and powerfully done... so true! ; )

(Hope it works...hehe)

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