Monday, August 16, 2010

I have loved you for millions of years

I wanna write this to say goodbye to you

if I write you a million poems, there’ll still be that one thing I wanna say

I can’t lay beside you without wanting to make love to you

your nature and mine make sense together but sometimes you just irritate the fuck out of me

I break my word a million times to be beside you

I can’t and I won’t and then I do

I don’t want to miss you when you’re right beside me and I do

I’ve seen this all unfold before, I know what I’ll do

I should stop

I want to write an epic goodbye poem

I’ve started two and neither are done

I want to write a poem that’s beyond all this

but I don’t have those words

I have half-verses and a church in my chest that praises and curses your name everyday

I want to run away to somewhere inside myself that makes all this angst seem outside myself and I’m untying myself

from you

it hurts, chrysalis hurts

in unison we’re out of sync, haven’t been in tandem for I don’t know how long yet we always find a way here to this in between

this is the same

as before, different, mostly the same

I have loved you for a million years, painted your face with my eyelashes, ran 100 yard dashes into your arms, I’ve held you for millions of minutes, placed words together like a jigsaw puzzle in a million different ways to render poempictures of you

I have, yes I have

this is ruining me but I’m not ruins, I’m not mad at you

if there’s something I’m supposed to forgive you for, I forgive you, I love you, goodbye

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