Wednesday, September 24, 2008

why i love the word "apropos", freedom day & related musings

it's wednesday, september 24th. nothing particularly special about this wednesday except that it's my sister's 29th. other than that, you know i gotta peel my ass out of bed and go to work like any other day. after work, i rushed to clinton hill, brooklyn for a last minute appointment with my barber who keeps my frohawk lookin so tight! i'm sitting in the chair, talkin about a lil bit of nothing and tiny bits of something and who walks in? guess. go ahead, i'll wait while you suppose and ponder perchance who the fuck walked in the shop.

yes, my ex (i jest you not) strolls in and says "hi." mind you, 2 seasons have passed since last we saw each other. i don't even blink and i'm like "hi" right back. she says "you look good." i say "thanks". maybe social graces or bullshit pleasantries or ex etiquette would have me say some shit like "you too", but i don't think so and i ain't a liar so i don't say shit. after having been in an emotionally abusive, controlling and manipulative relationship with this person, i kinda stopped being attracted to her like FOREVER AGO. there was silence. maybe it was awkward for her so she says see you later, i say bye. and that was that. last time i saw her she was between my legs. last time i spoke to her we were fighting. i've had many visions of what that moment of seeing the ex post-break up would be like--i hoped i'd be wearing my fiercest outfit, stilettos too sexy for words, lip gloss popping, with the finest butch on my arm, looking blissful and loved. there was no stilettos or lip gloss, just me, chillin, in the barber chair on a wednesday night. i didn't then (in the barber shop) and don't now (sittin on the couch typing this) feel a thing towards her--not anger, not the desire to tell her off one last time, no missing her, not one single feeling of hoping we'd worked out, not wanting to fuck again. i didn't feel a damn thang. i am finally fuckin indifferent, nonchalant, aloof! i am finally fuckin free.

allllllllll of this happened on allisonjoy's borndae. how fuckin apropos. i declare this my fuckin freedom day. happy borndae girl and happy freedom day to me and to everyone who ever got free of some shit that had their soul on lock down. celebrate with me!

xoxo


[photography by www.anxiaophotography.com]

3 comments:

diana said...

i'm so completely celebrating (with) you! you've come a long way and you earned that shit. surviving and triumphing is so sexy!!!

xoxo

Frankenstein said...

Today is the day that I declared freedom from the relationship that (until now) defined myself as a lover and a boyfriend. From this moment forward, I am an independent man seeking love, lust, and passion, and I will find it wherever it happens to be. There is no more feeling toward the ex. She may as well be any other human on this planet. I do not care. I am not bound. I will live my life the way I choose to live it, and if she doesn't like it, than it's her problem to deal with, not mine! I hope there is someone out there that will read this and decide for themselves that it is time to move on and live the life that they want to live!

daughter of my mama said...

congrats frankenstein--freedom feels good right? holla at my videoblog www.youtube.com/afrocrowndiva please keep reading my work, your time is appreciated! blessings!

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