Thursday, August 28, 2008
of course there's a woman, i made fuckin cobbler didn't i? (peach blueberry to be exact, yes ma'am.) her name is...unimportant. i find myself coming to thoughts of her over and over. and i know she ain't worth my time. it's not about being conceited, cuz i do like her, but just because i like her as a person doesn't mean i need to be giving her my sensual attention. it's not worth it especially since i'm not getting what i want from her--i don't feel any passion. she's cute? yes. sweet? i guess but...no KA-BOOM chemistry. recently when i told a friend of mine that i don't have a crush right now and i want to have that irresistible attraction to someone before i step to them, she asked "how many romance novels have you read?" i said "a lot." but i don't think that's got shit to do with this. okay, maybe it has something to do with it but i don't think my high consumption of romance novels as a teenager (harlequin, arabesque, silhouette, etc) cancels out the intelligence of a woman like me who wants KA-BOOM factor. yes i am a very romantic fierce ass hard ass femme who still believes in that beautiful, wide, alive love that you feel in you just at the sound of the voice of the person you love or want to love. i want chemistry and that's not an unrealistic desire that i need to let go of cuz life ain't a romance novel. life don't need to be a tragic satire either. especially since i know what KA-BOOM fuckin feels like, i'm not giving up on it.
i want arms: around me,
heat on top of me,
breath breathing beside me.
i didn't call her tonite. i called her last night and the night before. i think she one of them butches used to getting attention from women, used to women comin at her so she just leeeeeeeans back and waits. and i been comin at her these past few days. i don't want to no more. i want to be met half way. i want KA-BOOM and a list of 36 things and counting. i'd just fuckin rather make cobbler than tumble down into something with no KA-BOOM. what's the point?
did i tell you my ex called me today? fuck no i didn't pick up the phone! please. that KA-BOOM spells disaster. and i am so done with disaster.
p.s.: this is the type of shit i do for myself when i'm single--take care of myself in decadent ways like making cobbler for my fly ass. making beautiful dinners for myself. oh and the cobbler was yummy! of course i had it with pineapple coconut ice cream, i love the crust. next time i'll try mango raspberry coconut cobbler. can you spell "love of self"? i can ;)