if you know me then you know men don't get to touch or kiss me, hold or love me unless they're special. this is just the way it is. most of the people in my life are women. the few that are men are trans or gay and the few that are straight really have their shit together--i just don't have any space, time or energy to put up with any sexist, heterosexist, homophobic nonsense. frankie is my very gay, very much beloved dear dear friend. he is one of those elusive spirits, always on the go, hard to get a hold of but when he's beside you, when you're beside me, frankie your spirit holds me. it's been hard for me to trust biological men because when i have, they've fucked me over, lied to me, tried to oppress me or control me etc etc. and furthermore as for my day to day quality of life, it's rare that i walk down the street without a biological male saying some nasty, completely degrading shit to me or just leering at me in that icky, sleezy way that makes me want to bash an asshole over the head. so usually i have my guard up, way waaaay up with men. loving frank has given me hope in men--like it's fuckin possible to have a man in my life and love him and trust him and feel safe with him. wow. for real, it's epiphany type wonder that rushes through me whenever i spend time with you.
and i miss you these days, so so much, more than words can convey. i love you and i miss you and i know you are taking care of you, breathing and praying and healing. i just wanted you to know you're constantly on my mind and heart and i hold you in a space touched by no one.