Saturday, August 16, 2008

a loss of wisdom?

i had a wisdom tooth removed on tuesday. procedure took 60 seconds, seriously. i was in a lot of pain. am on codeine and antibiotics.

today i feel like woooooow, for the first time in a long time, i am not pressed to have a woman on top of my body making love to me and proving to me i'm valuable and worthy of love. when i want a woman, when i care about her, i want to learn all the curves and angles and crevices of her--i want to know what her favorite music and movies are, what her favorite foods are, her favorite brand of tea, where she grew up, her dreams, etc. i want to know these things so i can give her the best of her favorites and let her know, of course i remember and of course i listen and yes i made you your favorite meal better than your mama or as close as i could get to it because i care enough to try and succeed at taking good ass care of you.

but right now, i just don't care. not in an embittered, tupac shakur-fuck-the-world way, i just don't feel like directing my energy into someone else. i already know all my favorites. and so i give them to me. i'm taking it easy after my wisdom tooth removal and breathing. i took days off work and tried not to feel guilty and reminded myself that i had fuckin surgery and need to rest and the world will keep spinnin even if i stay home from work, eat mushy foods and watch law & order: criminal intent on netflix.

i feel like i gained more than i lost. i wanna give me what i've been so hungry to give away. i'ma keep some me for me and hug me close. it's about time i really really learned this lesson.

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